Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Ebay Schmebay and Toilet Paper

Well I went and did it. I finally listed on ebay again.

I decided around Mid Summer that I needed to either start selling again or just donate a whole lotta stuff that I had been hanging onto. I even came up with a game plan of sorts to get me started. It went something like this:

Day 1: Decide to start selling on Schmebay again and come up with a game plan.
Day 2: Review yesterday's proposed game plan and make revisions as needed.
Day 3: Take a break.
Day 4: Research all the new rules and regulations.
Days 5-12: Repeat the game plan for Day 4.
Day 13: Take a break.
Day 14: Weigh options on whether to list in auction format or open a store.
Day 15: Make a decision about Day 14's game plan.
Day 16: Question yesterday's decision and start to waver.
Days 17-19: Just keep wavering. It's fun.
Days 20-25: Go on a real vacation, one that requires you to sleep in a strange bed in a house that is not your own. Take your family and stuff when you go.
Day 26: Arrive home from vacation with a firm decision in mind for your listings.
Day 27-29: Recover from the relaxing vacation you took with your family and stuff.
Day 30: Start listing and reap in loads of money.

It was actually a very good game plan if I do say so myself. Well thought out, with plenty of margin for errors. Should be easy peasy to follow.

I made it to Day 3 and got stuck there. For what it's worth, I did totally skip ahead to Days 20-25 but then I went back to Day 3 once those were over.

Yesterday though. Yesterday...

It was time.

I stood around in the morning drinking coffee and mumbling to myself as the oldest of my little's got themselves ready for school. I ran through all of the rules and regulations in a fast paced monologue under my breath as the girls threw odd looks in my direction.

Finally I told myself, enough is enough. Just DO IT ALREADY!!! for crying out loud.

I closed my eyes, reached forward tentatively and grabbed hold of the first thing my fingers brushed against. I snatched it to my chest, breathing a sigh of relief as I proclaimed "This will be the first thing that I list today!"

Then I felt my new found treasure snatched from my arms followed by the ear splitting cry of "Mooooommmmmm!"

My eyes snapped open so I could trap the perpetrator in their steely gaze. How dare she steal away from my very hands the one thing I had finally gathered the courage to list. How could she?!!

That line of thought was quickly brought to a halt by the next words that she uttered, which had a ring of logic to them that even I had trouble arguing with, not that I didn't try.

"You can't list my Math book!" she said. "Really? Why not?" I inquired, "You don't need it, do you? What do you need to learn Math for?" She responded "You are soooo weird. You should list something we won't miss. Like Taylor."

That of course brought a cry of indignation from the other end of the room where Taylor had been, up til this point, standing quietly and watching the proceedings with a look of perplexity upon her brow.

That's about when I noticed it was nearly time for the bus to be pulling up so I promptly rushed them out of the house and shut the door.

Then I locked it.

I even used the chain lock and dead bolt.

Then when my children turned looked back at me with raised brows I stuck my tongue out and giggled.

Cause I'm a major dork like that.

The rest of that ebay listing day went much smoother than I could have hoped for. Today on the other hand... eh, it's had it's share of moments.

For example, I decided to try and list Jon’s outgrown clothing. As I started taking pictures of the carefully arranged outfits he promptly ran over and grabbed up one item after another exclaiming “Hey! This is MINE!” or “I have this shirt! It’s my flavor-ite!"

Really kid, your shirt has a flavor? How would you know that? Do you taste test them or something? I digress...

He spent most of the day wandering the house while wearing no fewer than three size 24 months shirts all at once and a pair of size 2 T pants(on backwards, by the way). The kid currently fits in a size 3 pant and size 4/5 shirt. He looked a tad odd, to put it mildly. I don't know where he gets it from. Must be his Father.

Anna Marie has been less than helpful as well. I sat down to edit pictures and noticed she was sitting on the floor next to our Rott-Lab mix, Maxaroni, petting him. I figured all was good in the world so I started my editing, glancing over at her occasionally to make sure that she wasn't trying to feed him her sippy cup or yanking on his ears. Next thing I know, I glance up and she’s sitting on his back screaming “Gee-yup, doggie! Gee-yup!"

What was a good dog like Max to do?

Well, he stood.
Then he Gee-yupped.
With gusto, I might add.

Anna held on for a good five seconds, just long enough for her to get to shriek with laughter and for me to almost catch her before she hit the floor. Notice I said almost right there?

She now has a huge shiner on the left side of her face and she spent the remainder of the day telling Max he is “No funny, doggie. Go way.” and then pouting.

And.... just when you thought it couldn't get any more boring than this!

I got a package in the mail. A little mystery package in a white box. "Hmm... funny." I thought to myself "I don't usually buy orders small enough to come in little white boxes like this one. Big white boxes, yes. Little ones, no. Wonder what it could be?" Then I thought to myself "Quit thinking to yourself, ya ninny and just open the damn thing."

So I did.

It was the coolest thing I have ever received in the mail.


For what it's worth "Ever" translates to "this week" in Christina time, in case you were wondering.

I just stared at it. I furrowed my brow, cocked my head to the side and looked at it inquisitively. I turned it around in my hands, inspecting it from every angle.

Then I burst out laughing.

I was holding the largest roll of toilet paper that I have ever seen. It made all the double rolls stored on the shelf in my laundry room tremble in fear. It was freaking HUGE! The insert claimed that this one roll contained enough cushiony toilet paper softness to equal four rolls of my regular stuff. They encouraged me to try it, then buy more when I ran out. What they did not do was include a coupon. Don't they know I'm a cheapskate?

Well, if they're generous enough to share their wares with yours truly for free I figured it would only be proper of me to use it. I headed towards the bathroom and removed my measly looking, almost empty roll of toilet paper from the holder.

I carefully inserted the new roll onto the dispenser and pushed to lock it into place. Then I pushed a little harder. Next I gave it a good solid thump with both hands. It must not have been expecting that, because it worked and my new supersized roll of t.p. was in place and ready to be used. Just for the heck of it I grabbed a square and tugged. It came off in my hands.


I tried again. Same result. Well that's plain stupid. There was so much cushiony softness on this monstrosity sized roll that it was pressed against the cabinet and couldn't spin.
I took the toilet paper holder back out of the dispenser, almost causing serious injury to myself in the process when all of the pressure holding the roll in place was dispersed. I removed the slightly disheveled roll of paper from the spindle and slowly to started unwinding it so it would be small enough to spin in the dispenser.

Everything was going great until my 3 year old decided to slam open the bathroom door and then yell "Mama!!! You in here??!!!" while staring directly at me.

It scared me enough that I jumped a little. The jerking motion of my hands caused the toilet paper to fly up into the air in an arch over my head. Being the oh so quick on my feet thinker that I am I just stood there watching as the roll bounced off the window sill, clipped the corner of the sink, which caused to go hurtling towards shower curtain where it slid to the floor and proceeded to spin in a dizzying sort of way, flinging lengths of toilet paper every which way across the room.

Finally the spinning slowed and the toilet paper rolled across the floor coming to a rest against a red plastic toy boat that was sitting in a puddle of water from a recent bath. I looked around bleakly at the toilet paper that was draping the sink and tangled in the towel rack. I was amazed by the amount covering the floor. I marveled at the size of the roll now that it had managed to soak up the pond sized puddle of water that the toy boat had been resting in.

My meek little, almost spent roll of double wide paper sat right where I had left it on a shelf above the toilet silently mocking me. I let the little bit of paper that I had managed to retain in my hands fall from my fingers and drift silently to the floor.

Then I looked at my son and said "Yes, Jon. I'm in here. What do you want?"

He replied "I dunno, I just wanna know if you in here Mama." and then he walked out slamming the door behind him.

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